Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
it wasn't lemon gatorade
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize
