It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I love having hate sex.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
