Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
