My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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