How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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