You don't have asthma, your pregnant
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
