Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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