i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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