i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Randomize
