I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
