I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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