I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
