so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
i think im in europe. pls send help
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize