So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
