Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
How external is "for external use only"?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
