I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
