dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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