I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
