I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
