And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
