I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
if only i could text you this smell
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
