I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I cannot find my penis.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
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