Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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