i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
