So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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