can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
