...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
