I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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