Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
