I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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