Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
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