I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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