ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Randomize
