that's an acceptable place to lick
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
