During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I want her autograph on my taint
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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