So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
