I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
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