im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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