By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Couch. On fire.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
