Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
