I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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