Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Ketchup is God's man juice
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
