We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
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