I'm drive I can fine osifer
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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