i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
