Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I just saw a hot homeless man
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.