those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
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