I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.