The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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