Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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