i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
