I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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