what if every blade of grass was a penis?
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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