So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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