if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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