we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I'm at about main and main street
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
