So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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