New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
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