hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
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