would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
