you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
