I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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