It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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