woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize
