Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Randomize
