I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
