Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
