there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
