you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
