your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
