She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
