hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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