you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
