If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
