so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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