I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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