You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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